Seth Godin once said that all help is self-help.

I agree. A book that is labeled as a “business book” may be about business, but ultimately it is helping the reader become exposed to new ideas and perspectives. It is helping them in some way…

Self-help. Personal development. Self-development. All these phrases have gotten a bad rap; it’s a shame, really. Sure, some of it may be from the empty and non-practical books that have been written and continue to litter the online bookshelves (and that’s just my own opinion, to others it may be life changing). But most of it, I believe, is because of the reader.

Most people, including myself a few years ago, would pick up a self-help book and expect to find all the answers to our unhappiness. Because we enter the author’s worldview with a set of high expectations, we miss a lot of the important stuff, the actual lessons and patterns that have great meaning. We hear what we want to hear. We throw the book down and curse it to hell. We go back to being stuck on stupid.

With humility, of course, I have certainly changed my habits and mind over the last few years, only because I made it an obsession, something that had to be done. I’ve become very mindful of what I do and why I do it; I learned to be aware of what I tell myself in situations where I would normally lash out or criticize or not pay attention. I exercise self-awareness daily, in a sense that I can acknowledge and own my flaws, mistakes, and hindrances. Being aware of all this, it has helped me lead a better life because I knew what had to be done; I knew where I stood; I knew who I was and wanted to become.

This attitude and process was created by many different ideas and perspectives from many devoured books. Also from failing relentlessly, i.e., changing my habits or being mindful in times of anxiety.

Reading self-help or any book is great for you. It’s great for the mind and it opens you up. It exposes you to new ways of viewing the world or one specific problem. Here’s how to approach one of the most densely populated categories of books:

1) The purpose of reading self-help: It’s not about finding a book that gets you to put your head back up; it’s about learning why your head was down in the first place. What is the cause of all this unhappiness? Why am I so discontented? We humans have demands, and when those demands aren’t met, there is error in our thinking and behavior. It’s quite possible that your unhappiness isn’t based on what you have, but rather what you lack. You may be lacking appreciation or love or respect. Being aware of what it is you desire, what you’re subconsciously demanding, is imperative to unraveling the unruly problem and moving forward. My favorite book of all time is Mediations by Marcus Aurelius, Gregory Hays translation. It gave me a backbone made of steel. It helped me adopt an attitude where any obstruction in my way is no obstruction at all, but rather a stepping stone, an opportunity to learn. It helped me connect seemingly unrelated dots. It is to this day, in my opinion, one of the greatest books ever written.

But do you see what it did for me? It may not do that for you. Another book might do that. And that’s the idea: Reading and exposing yourself to so many different perspectives that eventually you find one that works for you. It’s about empowering yourself and realizing that if this person can do it, so can you.

2) It’s just a perspective: Mediations, I don’t think, ever sold over a million copies like some other books have. It’s not praised like How to Win Friends and Influence People. Understand this: When you pick up a book, you are picking up a perspective, a worldview. The author has something to say—and hopefully with the backing of other books, studies, life stories, etc.—he or she is proving a point in an educational and insightful manner. You have a specific problem—depression, anxiety, bad habits, whatever. You bought this book because you thought it might contain some kind of information or wisdom to help you view your hindrances in a different way. 

Many of us live life as if it were one gigantic problem to be solved instead of living it as one gigantic adventure to be traveled. A lot of this pressure is from society itself and the rules that were dropped on top of you. A lot of it, in my opinion, is fear. Finding a book that helps you change your perspective or help you understand your own perspective is a great way to reinvent yourself so that you can make the difference that you are naturally capable of making.

3) No one has all the answers: When I started really devouring books, I was a lost fucker. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I didn’t really know who I was, other than the fact that I wanted to be great in something. It’s easy to pick up a book and have it completely take over your life. That’s not wrong per se, but realize that no one has all the answers. No one lives a perfect life. I don’t agree with everything said in Meditations, and that’s what helps me draw the line; that’s what helps me be me. Think of your favorite writer and how much you admire them and look up to them and purchase all their stuff. At the surface they seem perfect—but the truth is you have no idea what they’re really like. No one has all the answers. What you’re really doing is gathering different ideas, perspectives, thoughts, attitudes, biases, etc., mixing it in a bowl, and seeing what you create. From there, if you like it, drink up. If not, create something else that works for you so you can start leading the life you were meant to lead.

4) A lot of it is patterns: When our ancestors weren’t humping each other or fighting wild animals (or each other), we were thinking. Thinking about life and nature and the stars and the gods. People have been pondering how to live a reverent life for… forever? When I started to follow my favorite authors, thinkers, and doers, I noticed many patterns. Many of them read books. Many of them didn’t watch television. Many of them have a system for themselves on when they wake up, when they go to bed, what time they exercise, etc. There are patterns at play here, and patterns are very innate to life itself. One of the best pieces of advice that has helped me tremendously was to always find patterns. Learn from them. Why are you seeing them? Why does this keep constantly coming up? When you start to see patterns, pause and find the meaning behind them (hence, why I put that line in my manifesto).

5) Attitude does not dictate behavior: In Psychology, I learned that attitude isn’t as powerful as we think. We can have a great attitude about something, but when an event actually occurs, when real cues are present, our attitude doesn’t always facilitate our behavior. What this means is that you have to act first in order to develop the attitude. You have to carry out the knowledge you have learned so that you can create the attitude of being fearless or vulnerable. An attitude is a mask. Behavior is actions that have a language of its own. To reinvent yourself, to become the person you want to become, you need to act first. And if it so happens, people will describe your attitude for you simply because your behavior spoke for itself.

I hope you start reading many books and blogs on all different subjects. Reading enriches the mind. The mind is a muscle, and putting it to work everyday will help it strengthen and expand. This is a great asset to have for the rest of your life.

What books have changed you?